Author, Onika Pascal gives advice to parents on letting go.
Teenagers! Teenage boys! What will this world, or our lives do without them? As complex as the personality of a teenager is, life just wouldn’t be the same without them. At some point in being a parent, you begin to think that with each situation, you have mastered parenting. And with the end result of every situation you are reminded, you never will. Have you ever wondered how to get inside of your teenage son’s head and pray to come out free from sexual thoughts, peer pressure and thoughts of how to be a man, becoming a man, and being a man? Well it’s all the things I imagine that dwells inside my son’s head. He’s 14! Yes. THE age where it manifests and your fears of losing your ‘baby’ become reality.
No matter how much you’d like to imagine that the little boy whose poop you’ve wiped up, who you’ve burped, fed and hugged every night before bed, is now that young man who no longer wants you to know when he poops, burps as loud as a trucks horn, and thinks of your hugs as an emasculating act. I’ve been going through the motions of convincing myself that independence begins now, and the nauseating emotion that scares me to let go.
Letting go! Don’t panic. I’m not talking about packing their clothes and game consoles with controllers and sending them off to be on their own. It’s the letting go that exterminates our possessiveness over them and our obsession with making sure they are safe, and the same with our daughters. But for our boys, we tend to fight keeping them mommy’s prince, and struggle with watching them become a king. But as parents we must always remind ourselves that becoming a king involves him putting into practice all of the things we’ve taught them. I know it helps me face letting go a bit easier.
But for now, we’re still in the beginning stages. So letting go consists of guidance from a distance. We as parents have a responsibility to know when to step in and regain control of the relationship, draw them back in and address what may be going wrong. Turning a blind eye isn’t the concept of what I mean by letting go. We still have an obligation to still delegate rules, and set the bar for accountability against drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex, and the things in life that seems abnormal against society’s standards. Each child is different, but the teenage syndrome is probably just about the same.
So that tension and rift that is growing between you and your teenage son should be addressed from a different perspective. Try a little less yelling and a little more reassurance for them that you have the compassion to help them be on the right track. The pep talks aren’t a one time discussion, but a routine discussion that isn’t so burdensome, but subtle reminders.
Sure they’re growing up, but the groundwork needs to be set so they can go off into the world and be ready to practice what we taught them.